Weekend Update Part 1

Oh lots of fun stuff to discuss,,,

Let’s see,,, some of you know I read over on the CDD boards just to cause myself angina and to stoke that ever pulsing aneurysm.  Well, this weeks lesson is — Date smart Hussies! Worthy HOH’s develop relationships not scorecards!!!  I swear, those people need to chill.

There are two maybe three camps in kinko cdd.  Firstly, the true believers who just want someone to hit, you know they have a punishment kink but can’t admit it so they drag every fire and brimstone scripture in the Bible out and misinterpret it.  “The egyptians had ten plagues so I can give my wife ten beatings!!!”  They tie the Bible into so many knots, whew.  I just want to say, “Put the Bible Down! Back away from the table! Here’s a Whip and some Chaps buddy, It’s gonna be alright.”  That’s the group that gives you the women have no choice line when it comes to spanking.  But on second thought, give me that whip and those chaps back.  Real bad boys know women have choices.  Then there is the undercover group who use DD or CDD since they believe it offers a veneer of civility to their darker urgings.  They only use the Bible and their inside voices while trying to get to know you.  Once they have determined your hot bottons, all bets are off.  They are the ones who cause the most damage on the dating scene.  Then there are the true believers who are looking for what many of our blogging family have found, a real connection.  From there you get subsets: cold-hard sadists, married people who forget they are married, young single girls looking for security, slutty voyeurs who just want to discuss their last ‘punishment.’  Pshhh, as a person who has belonged to many a board.  There is no discernible difference between any of the boards: spanko, bdsm, disciplinary, dd or cdd.  Just learn the code words and it all blends.

Unfortunately, to my consternation, I have discovered that I have become a prude.  I blame you people.  I find myself siding with the girls who have more conservative dating styles.  Looking to marry? hold off on the spanking until you know each other better.  Changing from this style of speaking your mind to something different?  And your HOH/Husband is happy? go for it.  The big dogs and doms want to push you around on line? stand your ground.

Now I am all for a good spanking whenever possible — “It’s delightful, It’s delicious!” but now only if we are all clear on the ground rules first.  M, P, S, S, G, A — all the rest of you, you know who you are, you did this to me.

I am forced to be thoughtful and use good judgement.  Even when I don’t want to, especially when I don’t want too. No more I thought he meant.  He has to actually say it.  And I have to be, honest with myself about my real goals.  I can’t support the idea of hoping he kinda figures it out by osmosis while he is getting his spanko rocks off.  I can’t support the idea of ‘level-setting’, ‘preliminary’ or ‘practice’ punishments.  I have to support a more guarded approach.  If he is leading, then he is leading and that means he is protecting your best interests and refraining from pretext and pretense in an effort to get a bottom across his lap.

I am going to try to attach a post here and hopefully it takes.  Our girl Korey talks about what this looks like in action when she met her James.

http://spanknotes.blogspot.com/2009/05/testimony.html. (Ok, completely unsuccessful inserting link.  There is the link, sorry, you have to do the work.)

And remember, I had an experience with this type of character recently.  Good men protect first — satisfy their own needs second.  Despite those powerful urgings, I went home and stayed there, safe.

There are waaaay more women on the CDD message boards then men.  And they are all about our ages, 30 – 50 or so.  They want to believe that some mystical clearinghouse has removed all the trash and left behind wonderful CDD/DD HOH’s in the making.  If you go to plain old spanko boards you will see the opposite ratio in membership.  Go visit bdsm boards and the ratios are even more skewed.

A lot of these guys just don’t have your best interest at heart and they think the pickings are easier on CDD boards.  What makes me so sure?  I have been dating for a while, a lot of that has been online.  I cross check the memberships against BDSM and spanko boards.  I look for the names of my ex’es.  I look for when they joined.  And there they are, alive and well, lurking, getting those daily updates letting them know when fresh, clueless blood has joined.  And they move in quickly.  I have had a man dating me under one account and contact me under another simultaneously.  One of my ex’es, who is now divorced, clearly joined at least four boards that I know of well before his divorce was final – like two years before.

Ahhh, no big deal what’s a little dishonesty among friends right?  Well lets take a brief stroll down CDD group ex-boyfriend memory lane shall we?  How about the one who promised to strap me hard because I was disrespectful on the phone when we first started chatting.  He then wanted me to go in public with shorts or bikini bottoms so others could admire his handi-work.  The marks had to be purple or they were not good enough.  Or the one who felt I needed to be ’sessioned’ with a two hour otk straight paddling on our first meeting because of traffic, no parking tickets I got before we even met.  Let’s not forget the enemas, the restraints the flogging – Good Times!!!  Or the nice guy who let me know I was his f@@@ toy and he would be restraining me and strapping my, er, private parts until they bled.  Just to establish our roles.  These gentlemen all came from CDD boards.  Not spanko, not DD, not BDSM boards, CDD.  And they are all members today.  I did not meet them on any of the usual “I wanna beat you to you bleed” sites.  These gentlemen were scripture quoting, gonna be good dominants and ‘train’ the wayward submissive future a@@ h@@@.  I will not even use the title HOH or Husband in reference to them because true Dominants, HOH’s and Husbands do not deserve to have their titles sullied by association with the likes of them.  No, I have not been strapped until I bled.

I don’t speak to this stuff based on the person I was years ago.  I don’t speak to this stuff through rose-colored glasses.  I speak to this stuff because I am the woman who has earned some battle scars.  Like a drug addict, I can tell you what not to do because I am still trying to recover myself.  Let me not be an example, but more a cautionary tale.

“My name is CD and I am a spanking junkie”  spanko anonymous crowd response “Hello CD”

Are all men predators?  No, as I have pointed out before I know some awesome guys out here.  I know of men who want to be married who are spankers — they tried to marry me.  I said no.   Feel free to email me and I will prescreen you before forwarding you on to the marrying types.  And, I never went to see any of the ‘bleed me out’ boys, despite having plane and train expenses paid in advance.  Good friends give good advice.  One of “The Men” I know has made it his personal calling to keep me alive.  If I can survive dating I may actually get married one day.  Good men are not exclusively vanilla, exclusively DD or CDD, I would not try the BDSM boards but if it is your cup of tea by all means.  Be open but be careful.  They and the relationship must be cultivated, lol.  And, honestly, we must be cultivated as well.  Be open to all comers, but behave in the manner most likely to protect your heart and your dignity.  And wait.

I know far more bad guys who are not upstanding and who do not have any desire to settle into anything long term.  They are like stray cats ladies.  You feed ‘em what they want, they will stick around you too.  But the next woman with wet food as compared to your kibbles and bits?  See ya,,, Don’t become a crazy cat lady with a succession of strays.

Lastly, don’t let peer pressure fool you.   all the women who are more than happy to go bottom’s up for the nearest hand and claim there is nothing sexual about it.  If there is nothing sexual about my naked bottom in the air?  We got bigger issues.  It is sexual — how individual couples choose to address those feelings differs.  Some people choose not to act on those feelings following spanking.  Some see no problem taking advantage of the gift that keeps on giving.  I’ve done it both ways and can speak to the benefits of both.  There is no right or wrong way — don’t be pressured into someone Else’s agenda becoming yours.  It is so unpretty.

Girls, if you just want a spanking — go get a spanking.  But don’t allow your feelings to be manipulated to get the spanking you want.  It is called a scene and good CDD women don’t want to admit to wanting a good uncommitted thrashing.  So we allow ourselves to compromise and let our emotions get triggered by men who are scening and just not telling you.  Get over it.  Admit it.  Save your self some heartache.  Punishment is for inside committed relationships where it is safe to be vulnerable.  Spanking fun is for everywhere else.

Spanking is non-sexual, psshhhhh.  I have been walking in circles around a park for weeks.  Trust me when I tell you, my bottom in the air is all about bringing sexxy back,,,

CD

~ by cultivateddiscipline on June 20, 2009.