Well now that the comments and emails have slowed to a trickle. Here is the conversation between Cinderelli and Sara, my comment is at the end.
Sara — It is my belief that being non-judgemental and having no judgement is not quite the same thing. “Tolerance within the scene” is one thing. A blanket “your kink is ok” I have to question.
On the one hand, being open to personal differences is a good thing. So many people in this world are prejudiced against others who are different, whom they don’t relate to or understand, and naturally that is not a good thing. On the other hand, to flat out decide that any kink is ok, is not necessarily a good thing either. I have been on forums where women are clearly being abused, mentally and physically. Very few will step up and say “Hey…are you ok with this? That sounds really harmful to me!”
Have we created an environment where we turn the other way and, at times, accept things that should not be accepted? There is a slave who writes on her blog about being instructed to mutilate herself. Some slaves sisters were silent, while others cheered her on…encouraging her to harm herself in the name of being a better slave. Later, with angst, having resisted her orders, she questions if she had lost her mind.
My question is not what was wrong with her, but what is wrong with us? Why do we read, listen, encourage others to accept harm and degradation? Perhaps it is like those people who crowd and watch the jumper on the window ledge. Why? Because it is fascinating and they cannot look away? Then some will actually call out, encouraging him to jump. What does that say about us as a community if we have no boundaries, are unwilling to draw lines or call ANY activity out of bounds? I for one am not just going to go get a cookie if someone is being hurt, abused, or used. If it seems like what is happening is not consensual, if the judgement seems impaired, or if there is a child involved. But people do that. Who did not see those Acorn tapes with a pimp and an underage prostitute trying to get a mortage. No one called 911, grabbed the teen girl, made a report, said one word. This was not in one Acorn office but many. Who have we become?
I have a hard time saying categorically that age play is wrong, although it is just …’icky’ to me. But again, as you move from age play to pay sites online, to pay sites that feature adults who look like 14 yr old girls, to child porn to the stats that link child porn to sexual predators, it gets harder to simply say it is all safe and OK. Is it?
If a man should vote to support laws in his 3rd world country so that women continue to not be allowed to be educated, own land, decide their marriage partner, is that the same as literally physically abusing a woman? No. Does it support and perpetuate an environment where the facts show that abuse of women flourishes and women have little protection or recourse? Yes.
That’s all I am saying. A does not exactly or necessarily = B, but it does at least sometimes lead us on to Z. How to we keep ourselves and others safe? How do we protect those who need protection? Where do we draw lines and when is it right to say no?
Cinderelli – Sara- Of course if someone is in an abusive relationship, we as a community should step up and do something. In the groups i am a part of, if we see something that seems off, we don’t just ignore, nor encourage it. Someone that the parties involved trust and respect speaks with them, individually, and makes sure everything is indeed ok. We are there for one another. When i say i am tolerant of people, i do not mean people who are doing things that are morally or ethically wrong. Abuse is wrong, commending that someone mutilate themselves to be a better slave is wrong, having sex with a child is wrong. But, ageplay, come on. i am a consenting adult, and trust me i don’t look anything like a 14 year old girl. i like being cosseted and protected like the eight year old i often feel like though. Is that wrong? And i think it is a huge leap to go from ageplay, to pay sites, to child porn, to sexual predators. Just because a couple enjoys ageplay, does not make them sick, twisted people who are going to go out and molest children. None of the people who i know that are into ageplay would ever hurt a child. Many of them have children. And to make that leap, well that assumes a lot.
Sara – “Just because a couple enjoys ageplay, does not make them sick, twisted people who are going to go out and molest children.”
Cindarelli, as that is not at what I said, or what I meant. There are people I like and respect who engage as well..although your term covers a whole lot. Of course consenting adults can and should do what pleases them. However, I think it is important to think these things through, to question where lines need to be drawn. You do not look like an 8 yr old in your dress up but it helps you feel like one and that is satisfying for you. OK. There is/was a gal on the Internet who has a free blog and pay site. She LOOKS like a 15 yr old but says she is 22-ish. What she sells is sexual spanking depicted between adult men and a little girl. Is there a difference? Should she do this? If a pedophile is enticed by her videos, what do we do with that?
Me — Protecting children is the number one priority. We do agree more than we disagree. I think I am falling more towards identifying the nuance and stating plainly age-play that is in fact focused on child-like behavior or childish body types is probably heading down a road to unacceptable. And yes, there is definitely a danger in casting too wide a net that covers a multitude of ’sins’ when that is not appropriate either We risk diluting the attention focused on the real issue, abuse of children. Brittany Spears got rich exploiting this particular fantasy.
When we move away from clearly adult players towards ambiguity surrounding the ages of the players and when there is an attempt to push the envelop with real children or adults who appear childlike or even with children. One after another on-line groups are shut down when pics are posted that include children and we choose to look away because “that is their kink and they are consenting adults”. There are entire sites dedicated to spanking stories where the characters are children. The stories include all of Mr LDD’s favorite coins of the realm including naked corner time and exposed sex organs to the spanker, other family members, friends and strangers.
We recognize that most children are abused by someone they know, we also recognize the pervasiveness of pornography on the internet. Yet we continue to insist that ‘we’ don’t know anyone who would do anything unspeakable. The bottom line is ‘we’ don’t know anything. We don’t know each other, we don’t know our readers, we don’t know every person looking at all the pics on the internet, we only know what the facts tell us:
“Child Molestation and Sexual Abuse victims are growing every year. Most probably it is increasing due to easy access to pornography (pornographic material) on internet.
According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, research reveals that 77% of child molesters of boys and 87% of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen in pornography they had watched.
FBI have shown that pornography is extremely influential in the actions of sex offenders and serial murders. Statistics show that 90% of the predators who molest children have had some type of involvement with pornography.”
http://childneglect-abuse.blogspot.com/2009/09/child-molestation-and-sexual-abuse.html
One thing can lead to another, and I think sometimes drawing clear boundaries is really important! I am not saying that all who are into age play would molest a child. However, the facts are that some do, and that we create an environment that sets a tone, maybe a place, for that to happen more easily than not.




Recent Comments